On my way home from work today, I saw the coolest guy ever.  He was fat and bald with a goattee, but his personal appearance is not the real attraction.  It was his truck. 

He had a full-sized white truck with an extended cab and a capper on the bed.  The truck was raised up so that it had about 4 feet of clearance.  He could have easily driven over my whole car without any part of his truck touching my car except his ginormous tires.  By the way, he had ginormous tires.  The wheels were wider than two normal tires put together and they were pretty close to 3 feet tall.

He obviously cared deeply for his truck.  He cared so much in fact, that he covered the back of it with two of the largest, most thought-provoking bumper stickers I have ever seen.  The first had a large red circle with a slash through it and the letters "ACLU" on the inside.  I guess he thinks its good that he has his rights—like the right to own guns, pollute, and be a complete moron.  The other bumper sticker was a large peace sign and the phrase "THE FOOTPRINT OF THE AMERICAN CHICKEN." 

Like I said, this guy was the coolest guy ever.